The stuff they don't tell you before/when you're pregnant!
Everyone knows giving birth is going to hurt
Everyone knows that you'll gain weight while pregnant
Everyone knows you should eat healthy and not drink alcohol…but no one really tells you their stories of parenthood and what to expect when having a baby...
Let me start by saying that this blog is based on my own experience as a new mom.
I was 32 when I had my son on October 18, 2016. He was 9 lbs. 1 oz.
Birth Plan: If you're going to be a mommy for the first time you more than likely already have an idea of how you would like to raise your child, what schools he or she will attend, how you and your spouse will discipline him or her when they get older, all the way down to their wardrobe... at least I did. Lol. That also includes preset plans for your delivery. While I was pregnant I would read about other moms’ experiences as well as so called expert advice from pediatricians and decided on a few things I did NOT want. I did not want a C-section, I did not want an epidural, I did not want an episiotomy, and I did not want to be induced. I read online that a C-section had too many risks for mom and baby, for example, your uterus may be ruptured, infections and hemorrhaging could occur, etc. I read that if you get an epidural you won't feel yourself pushing which will cause hemorrhoids, you may experience a severe headache caused by leakage of spinal fluid, there may be complications that lead to one having a cesarean, and that it could possibly cause your baby to have trouble getting into position for delivery and or have trouble with latching on when it’s time to breastfeed. I read that an episiotomy isn't necessary because a woman's vagina was built for child birth and no matter what, if the doctor ask you to perform the procedure to tell him or her no because after all you're in charge. I read that being induced may increase chances of needing a C-section and may increase chances of baby having complications. I even read that there's a way to breathe through your entire delivery so that you won't feel any pain (yeah right! Lol). I’m not saying that any of this information is wrong or right, I’m saying that the truth of the matter is you have NO control over these things. Your body and baby will do what they are going to do and all you can do is hope and pray that things turn out okay. Now I’m not trying to scare anyone, trust me I know the feeling, I’m letting you know not to read too much into things because you’ll drive yourself crazy! If you can help it stay offline so you don’t get spooked. And FYI complications at birth are rare and all you need to do is stay in prayer rather than believing everyone else's experience may be your own. Every woman's body is different and every baby is different.
With all the research I did I was determined to have a natural birth (vaginal with no drugs)! Boy was I in for a surprise. So…my due date was October 12th, and this date was coming up fast, a week before I decided to try and get myself to go into labor natural ways (please don’t try this stuff without first consulting a doctor) as to avoid being induced. I tried what I thought was everything known to man to go into labor lol, I danced (even made a video haha), I bounced on an exercise ball, I had intercourse with hubby like several times per day (a whole lot of fun, but still no baby yet), I stayed active in the gym (I was working out up until delivery…doc said it was okay since I worked out before getting pregnant). It was now October 13th (one day late) and baby was still not here, I had an appointment with my OBGYN on the 14th and he told me that he wanted to get baby out because he could get too large for me and I would be forced to have a C-section and or other things I really didn’t want. Doctor knew that I really didn’t want to be induced and tried to ease my mind about the procedure. He said there’s a way he can do it where my chances of having a vaginal birth are still high. I told him okay, but to please let me go home and see if my son comes over the weekend, he agreed, but wanted me back in his office that following Monday the 17th. For the next 2 days I again did all my fun activities, but still no baby yet. I went back to the doctor on Monday and he told me to check into the hospital that afternoon at 5pm and he would induce me (via Balloon). Did I mention that I’m not dilated? Nope, haven’t dilated one bit. Anyway, so the balloon is in all night up until the following evening at 7pm. Doctor removed the balloon and by now I’m only dilated 2 cm so they gave me a medication to help start the contractions which would then help me dilate. This took place for about 3 or 4 hours. My beautiful son was born the evening of the 18th just before midnight. Life just got real SWEET! XOXO
Maternity Leave: Before you're pregnant you think you have it all planned out, my plan was to have grandma watch my son, but I couldn't do it, not this soon anyway, I didn't want to leave my son's sight. TRUST me, once that baby is in your arms you're hooked! The last place you want to be is at work, and you'll spend your whole maternity leave anxious and sad that you'll have to go back to work at some point. Speaking of maternity leave, let me tell ya, they say you have 6 months to be off from work, but if you're like me and have bills that need to be paid and don't want to depend on your husband to pay his bills and yours then you need to figure out how you're going to make money...don’t get me wrong, a portion of your leave will be paid. For example, state disability (paid time off), in California they only give you 4 weeks before birth and 6 weeks after (by the way, if you don't take the 4 weeks before, too bad because this time does not roll over, so take it or lose it). After that you may qualify for 6 additional weeks that they consider family leave. So let's do the math here people 4 + 6 + 6 equals 16 weeks, about 4 months total, 3 if you're only counting the time you get with your baby...oh and did I tell you that you're only paid a percentage of what you made while you were working, it will not be your whole check. I hear there's a new law that allows mothers to stay at home with their baby for up to a year, that's great, but I'm sure it's not all paid time off. So unless you want to be broke or seriously in debt while you're trying to take care of a newborn, time off with no pay is not looking too appealing. Word of advice from a mom to a mom, unless you have a game plan where you and hubby/boyfriend/relative are going to watch baby while you go back to work then before getting pregnant consider things you can do for money that don't require you to leave your house so you can stay home with baby. The better prepared you are the less stressed out you'll be and the more time you can focus on being a new mommy. :)
Breastfeeding: Whatever you do, don't give up! Every woman naturally produces breastmilk and if for whatever reason you don't feel you are producing enough then there's things you can do to help. I had issues the first couple of weeks with my production and I would be in tears because I felt my son wasn't getting enough milk. One night I went to change his diaper and found this orangey chalky looking stuff in his diaper where urine should have been, I immediately called the pediatric unit at my local hospital. The nurse told me that my son was dehydrated. I began to panic and cry. She told me to wake him up every hour and feed him, I was to feed him breastmilk and supplement with formula as well until my milk supply increased (and pump too). This would get him to eat more frequently as well as boost my milk production. It was a little challenging because at this age, babies like to sleep, probably more so than eat. I would wake him to feed and he would fall asleep within a couple of minutes of me nursing him. The nurse suggested I tickle his feet, talk to him, rub his ear, whatever I needed to do to get him to stay awake to eat. This worked sometimes, but was definitely a challenge for me. I did this for the first 2 weeks and then by week 3 I had a whole new set of problems (I'll explain that later). My whole pregnancy I knew I wanted to breastfeed exclusively and I needed to figure out a way to produce more milk so I started internet searching things online and came across a cookie recipe, what a disaster! The cookies tasted great, however, I noticed I used Bread Yeast instead of Beer Yeast in my ingredients and this was VERY BAD. So like I always do, I searched the internet, you wouldn't believe the things I found on bread yeast, if ingested it's harmful to your body! Now crying again and praying and hoping that I won't get sick off of one cookie and that it won't transfer through my breastmilk to my son. Needless to say I immediately threw them damn cookies in the trash.
So week 3 rolls around and I continue breastfeeding and supplementing with the formula, by now we've had 2 doctor visits and my son is gaining weight and I haven't seen a chalky diaper since that one night, I'm elated! Finally I feel at peace and like I'm doing the right thing here. Then all of a sudden my son starts crying every night off and on for almost an hour straight. Once again I feel like he's not getting enough milk (this is what people tell you is the problem when your baby isn't wet or sleepy, they assume they are hungry). I remembered that the hospital I delivered at gave me a referral to a breastfeeding support group place in my area (usually these places are FREE of charge) so I called right away and went in that same day. My goodness, what a life-changing experience! My class was ran by a registered nurse who was also a lactation consultant. She weighed my son soon as we arrived (by milligrams) on this high-tech machine, then I would breastfeed him there in class and before we would leave he'd be weighed again, this way we could tell exactly how much milk was transferring from my breast. There was some milk coming out but I felt like not enough for his appetite so the nurse suggested these all natural pills (Motherlove) to help build up my supply. The pills were a tad bit pricey, but definitely worth it. By this point I'd stand on my head for an hour if I knew it would make more milk for my baby. In less than 48 hours I was waking up with full breast, squirting all over the place lol. But it seemed like right after one issue would fix itself, I’d have another, my son is still crying more than normal so I ran an internet search and it seemed like he may have gas or colic; we made an appointment with the pediatrician and he said that it is probably gas and to watch my fiber intake. He suggested a probiotic, however, the reviews for this probiotic weren't too good and the price was ridiculously high so I asked about gripe water and the doctor said that was fine as well. I honestly felt like the gripe water (Mommy's Bliss) helped, he would cry and cry and soon as I gave him the gripe water he would stop crying immediately. Although the gripe water was helping I didn't want to make this an everyday thing for my baby; I didn't want to give him anything besides breastmilk (personal choice) so again I did some internet searching on ways to help him with gas. The things I found were so helpful...you can rub you baby's bellybutton area clockwise and counter-clockwise several times, lightly pull their legs to the outward and inward position, and do bicycles with their legs. The first time we did the exercises he passed gas and immediately stopped crying. I was so happy!!! We started doing this every night and most nights it was very successful. Now I’m wanting to know how to prevent the gas altogether so I'm reevaluating my food intake. READ your labels folks. (Definitely consult a doctor before changing your diet; also, you need a certain amount of calories daily if you're breastfeeding in order to keep up your milk supply). I asked the pediatrician about foods I could eliminate and he said to watch my dairy and fiber intake, which is bizarre because these things actually give me gas, but I still eat them anyway. It never occurred to me that what gives me gas would give my son gas as well.
Don't let anyone tell you that you won't be able to breastfeed and or that you need to switch to formula because you're not producing enough milk for your baby. When babies are born their stomach is so small that it doesn't require a lot to get them full. If baby isn't getting enough milk you'll know it, trust me! The very best thing you can do for your baby is breastfeed. So many nutrients come from it and the benefits are endless! It lowers your baby's risk of having asthma and allergies, babies have fewer ear infections, respiratory illnesses, etc. Not only are there benefits for baby, but there are also benefits for mom...studies show that breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancers, lessens osteoporosis, helps with weight loss, etc. Hey who doesn't want to shed a few postpartum pounds. :)
Hospital
Bag Checklist: You don’t need much because the hospital provides a lot of what
you’ll be using while you’re there.
For Mom
- A large duffle bag or backpack.
- A large duffle bag or backpack.
- A cute hospital gown (optional), I
found a cute one on Amazon.com. Not everyone wants to wear the used gowns the
hospital gives you.
- As far as clothes go, you’ll only
need a gown for delivery, after delivery (because you’ll want to shower), and
your going home outfit (I’d suggest something stretchy). Besides that you won’t
be wanting to get all cute or dressed until it’s time to go home. Now sometimes
hospitals have photographers come take pictures of you, baby, and daddy so
maybe a cute nighty just for that, but something very comfy. I found a cute
little pants set at Target for $20 bucks.
- Socks. Hospitals are so cold so
bring a few pairs.
- Granny Panties. Most hospitals
provide you some undies right after delivery so you won’t need a whole bunch,
but one or two pair won’t hurt. The panties they give you can support the ice
pack you’ll be wearing.
- Nursing Bra. All you need is one
good nursing bra while at the hospital because during this time you will learn
from a lactation specialist how to breastfeed your baby, so pick a bra that is
comfy and easily accessible. I found a great one at Walmart that was
inexpensive and very comfy.
- Toiletries. Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap,
hair stuff, and chapstick! (very important). When you’re in actual labor they
don’t let you have anything to drink or eat, which could be for hours so your
lips suffer during this time.
- Personal Documents: ID, Wallet,
Insurance Card, Registration Forms.
- Snacks. The hospital snacks are
do-able, but it helps to have something there for dad and family to munch on.
Granola bars are great.
- Medications. Don’t forget to pack your
prenatals!
- Breast pump (the lactation nurse can
show you how to use your pump so you should bring it with you).
For Dad
- Pack him some snacks, cash for vending machines and the cafeteria, electronics, magazines, toiletries, and maybe his own pillow and a blanket from home.
- Pack him some snacks, cash for vending machines and the cafeteria, electronics, magazines, toiletries, and maybe his own pillow and a blanket from home.
For Baby
- The hospital will provide everything you need up until it’s time to go so you really only need to bring a car seat (they won’t let you leave without one), a fluffy blanket, and a going home outfit (hat, mittens, socks, etc.).
- The hospital will provide everything you need up until it’s time to go so you really only need to bring a car seat (they won’t let you leave without one), a fluffy blanket, and a going home outfit (hat, mittens, socks, etc.).
It may seem a little overwhelming,
but I promise you that you do not need to bring much and believe it or not all
this stuff will fit in your suitcase. :)
*I'd like to give a shout out to my amazing supportive husband, I truly don't know what I would do without you. You are my rock, my friend, the love of my life. XOXO. I'd also like to thank my dear friend who helped me through many of my challenges and gave me so much good advice, she knows who she is.
FYI- The internet is a great source of information, but don't depend on it for all the answers, consult with the professionals.
Again, these are my own personal experiences and not meant to persuade or influence any moms out there. Thanks for reading and God Bless :)
My greatest accomplishment!
